No Internet, No McDonald’s, No Burger King, No Starbucks
Satire of our reality today and a modicum of unreality because we do have e-Simms for small amount of data like getting this journal post online. LOL
If you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs for the modern traveler, the base of the pyramid is no longer "Physiological Needs" like food or water. It is Wi-Fi.
We are currently living through a very specific, first-world nightmare in Puerto Morelos, Mexico. It is a story of survival, betrayal, and the harsh reality that sometimes, "authentic charm" is the enemy of productivity.
The Great TELLCELL Blackout
It started like any other Monday. We woke up, brewed coffee, cracked our knuckles, and opened our laptops to conquer the digital world. But the world didn't load. The little chrome dinosaur appeared.
Our ISP, the illustrious TELLCELL, had gone dark.
Now, usually, this is a "turn it off and on again" situation. But after three hours of aggressively staring at the router, we got the news. The cable wasn't just down; it was literally cut. Somewhere in the jungle or under a street, a physical severance had occurred. The timeline for repair?
"Mañana." Or maybe three days. Or maybe next Monday. The timeline is a fluid concept here.
The Golden Arches of Hope (Are Missing)
In any other city in the world, when your home internet dies, you initiate Plan B: The Fast Food Run.
You pack your bag and sprint to the nearest McDonald’s, Burger King, or Starbucks. You buy the cheapest item on the menu—a hash brown or a small coffee—and you siphon their high-speed industrial Wi-Fi like a digital vampire. It is the unspoken pact between nomads and corporate conglomerates.
But here is the beautiful, terrible irony of Puerto Morelos.
We love this town because it has fought hard to keep the big chains out. It is a bastion of local culture. There are no Golden Arches. There is no Burger King. There is no Starbucks on the corner.
We are trapped in a paradise of authenticity.
Withdrawal Symptoms
So here we are. We have plenty of tacos. We have ceviche that will make you weep with joy. We have a stunning beach. But we cannot send an email.
We are roaming the streets like tech-addicted crazies, holding our phones to the sky, praying for a single bar of signal. We are looking at local mom-and-pop cafes with suspicion—do they have fiber, or is their router powered by a hamster on a wheel?
The Reality Check
We moved here to "disconnect" and "escape the rat race," right? Well, be careful what you wish for. The universe has a funny way of delivering exactly that—by literally cutting the cable.
Currently, we are contemplating building a satellite dish out of coconuts and aluminum foil. Until TELLCELL finds the broken wire, if you need us, we’ll be the ones on the beach, crying into a margarita because we can’t update our Instagram story.
Send help. Or send a hotspot.
***
Lessons Learned (The Hard Way)
If you look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs for the modern traveler, the base of the pyramid is no longer "Physiological Needs" like food or water. It is Wi-Fi.
We are currently living through a very specific, first-world nightmare in Puerto Morelos, Mexico. It is a story of survival, betrayal, and the harsh reality that sometimes, "authentic charm" is the enemy of productivity.
The Great TELLCELL Blackout
It started like any other Monday. We woke up, brewed coffee, cracked our knuckles, and opened our laptops to conquer the digital world. But the world didn't load. The little chrome dinosaur appeared.
Our ISP, the illustrious TELLCELL, had gone dark.
Now, usually, this is a "turn it off and on again" situation. But after three hours of aggressively staring at the router, we got the news. The cable wasn't just down; it was literally cut. Somewhere in the jungle or under a street, a physical severance had occurred. The timeline for repair?
"Mañana." Or maybe three days. Or maybe next Monday. The timeline is a fluid concept here.
The Golden Arches of Hope (Are Missing)
In any other city in the world, when your home internet dies, you initiate Plan B: The Fast Food Run.
You pack your bag and sprint to the nearest McDonald’s, Burger King, or Starbucks. You buy the cheapest item on the menu—a hash brown or a small coffee—and you siphon their high-speed industrial Wi-Fi like a digital vampire. It is the unspoken pact between nomads and corporate conglomerates.
But here is the beautiful, terrible irony of Puerto Morelos.
We love this town because it has fought hard to keep the big chains out. It is a bastion of local culture. There are no Golden Arches. There is no Burger King. There is no Starbucks on the corner.
We are trapped in a paradise of authenticity.
Withdrawal Symptoms
So here we are. We have plenty of tacos. We have ceviche that will make you weep with joy. We have a stunning beach. But we cannot send an email.
We are roaming the streets like tech-addicted crazies, holding our phones to the sky, praying for a single bar of signal. We are looking at local mom-and-pop cafes with suspicion—do they have fiber, or is their router powered by a hamster on a wheel?
The Reality Check
We moved here to "disconnect" and "escape the rat race," right? Well, be careful what you wish for. The universe has a funny way of delivering exactly that—by literally cutting the cable.
Currently, we are contemplating building a satellite dish out of coconuts and aluminum foil. Until TELLCELL finds the broken wire, if you need us, we’ll be the ones on the beach, crying into a margarita because we can’t update our Instagram story.
Send help. Or send a hotspot.
***
Lessons Learned (The Hard Way)
- Redundancy is Key: One SIM card is a gamble; two is a strategy.
- The "Charm" Tax: A town without fast food chains is great for the soul, but terrible for emergency Wi-Fi.
- Patience: Is a virtue we apparently do not possess.
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